MAY #7: The Visit

            

            Two young teens spend a snowy week in Pennsylvania with their mom’s estranged parents. They’re curious about their mom’s childhood, eager to reconcile mom with her folks, and still grieving from their dad’s abandonment for his new family several years prior. It could be a Hallmark Christmas movie….or it could be The Visit.

            The kids of The Visit give off big Hallmark vibes too. Becka is fifteen, precocious, and full of herself, but with a keen awareness of her mom’s grief over the estrangement. Tyler is thirteen, a dork, and loves, um, the screenwriter’s best approximation of what kids are into, so, rap and the word yolo I guess. And everyone manages to learn a nice lesson about the meaning of family and not holding onto anger even though Nana and Pop-Pop turn out to be, shall we say, a little off.

            The twist is guessable from a mile away and maybe not the kindest to the elderly or a charitable depiction of dementia and mental illness. It ends up feeling a little old-fashioned and even lazy. I was hoping for something a bit more mind-blowing from the king of twists, but M. Night Shyamalan always feels a little bit like a relic from a different movie-making time, wacky B-movie premises dressed up in a sentimental suit. Maybe the throwback vibe of “well, I guess they’re all cuh-razy” is fitting actually, especially from the guy who made Split. But listen, dude, if you’re gonna be that tasteless, go all the way.

The Visit doesn’t have much more to say other than “old people sure are creepy,” but wow are they creepy! The tension in this film is something else. I know I’m a sucker for fairy tale throwbacks and people screaming at the camera, but this sent me clutching for the pillow and whispering “no, no, no” under my breath more than once. Big kudos especially to Deanne Dunugan, who nails the weird balance between menace and pathos that this film requires. Tension builds and builds and then is rapidly settled in an ending that comes way too neatly. I kept waiting for a nasty little stinger (cause this film gets a little nasty) but instead there’s just a sentimental coda – this is a Shyamalan film after all. But when the tension is buzzing, boy does it buzz.

             And it doesn’t feel like a Shyamalan film, except for the family drama. I’m of two minds about this being a found footage film. On the one hand it’s out on the far end of credulity once shit hits the fan and the camera’s still rolling. Unlike, say, Blair Witch or Creep, there’s no compelling plot reason for this to be a found footage film. On the other hand, the style untames Shyamalan’s polished impulses, letting the characters feel more natural even when they’re expositing to the camera or just getting on with their lives. There’s a bit where the two siblings rock-paper-scissors for the big bed, caught off-center and blurry as the camera sits on the mattress, and another scene where Tyler catches Becka in an emotional moment but, inexperienced with the camera, zooms in on the spot above her head. The cheesy Hallmark emotions that bug me in Shyamalan’s other stuff feel a little bit more palatable when it’s packaged without the Hollywood sheen. I wanted this movie to be Shyamalan going full B-movie exploitation flick and it mostly is, even as it stays carefully within its PG-13 confines. I wish it had a little bit more to say, and maybe that it didn’t go for the easy target or the easy answers, but when it comes to freaking me out it sure got the job done.

This scene, goddamn

Vibecheck: A teenager’s documentary should look a lot shitter than this.

Scare Factor: I resent this movie for making me jump as much as it did.

Pairs Well With: Hereditary feels like this movie pumped up on quality steroids – you got your scary old people, your family drama. Heck, characters even strike a similar creepy pose. But Hereditary is one of the best films of the 2010s and this, um, isn’t. For another found footage hidden creep fest that nails mounting dread, see Creep. For another family-in-isolation horror, try The Lodge.

Big Hereditary Energy

But How Gay Was It: I expected this film to be campier than it was and, while Nana and Pop-Pop aren’t quite evil masterminds, there’s something about weird old people that’s always gonna feel at least a smidge camp. Likewise with Shyamalan, as I’ll prove when I one day remake Signs as a comedy.

Girlfriend’s Corner: I missed this movie because I was having a bonding sesh with my little brother over an old Zelda game (I AM A GOOD OLDER SISTER OBSERVE MY WAYS), and honestly I’m kinda disappointed that I did! For the first time in the history of Girlfriend’s Corner (I think), I can say without hesitation that I wish I had watched this movie, which sounds like Shyamalan embracing the utter garbage that made him who he is. Don’t worry, loyal readers; I’m sure Sara will be watching another horrible movie about children in danger that makes her hyperventilate and mutter swear words to herself as I sit next to her on the couch, trying to make a spreadsheet for work!