Horror is for Grrrls

            Woe betide the horror sequel. Shameless cash-grabs, jumped sharks, studio interference, original cast members who have shuffled off this mortal coil and must be replaced, beloved fictional characters who have shuffled off this mortal coil and must be shamelessly resurrected, quick turns to comedy, non sequitur plots masquerading as a member of the franchise, sheer absurdity – the unnecessary horror sequel has had it all. And of all these lowly films, why have I spent the last six months with such a fascination for The Exorcist III ? Is it the famous jump scare? The vague buzz about its reevaluation in the horror fandom community, possibly as a result of the Shout Factory released director’s cut that entered the world in 2016? The fact that the only thing I knew about this movie was that it had the zodiac killer in it for some reason? Regardless, at some point in the past six months, I announced my intention to watch The Exorcist III in the near future, my girlfriend

            Oh, Fright Night . Arguably the most widely beloved movie on my lineup, how I dread to say something even vaguely impolite about you for fear of the horror fanbros who shall surely burst out of my internet connection to correct me. Yet here you are, and here I am, and here we go. Fright Night is fine. It’s not bad, it’s not great, it’s just fine. Oh, stop shouting at me and hear me out. For the uninitiated, Fright Night tells the story of Charley Brewster, your average, everyday teenage schmo who could maybe use a quick primer on consent. Charley enjoys watching Fright Night , an anthology movie series of dusty Hammer Horror type gothics hosted by Vincent Price, er, Peter Vincent. When that’s not on, he enjoys crossing the clearly set boundaries of his girlfriend, Amy, and hanging out with his unpleasant friend, Evil Ed, a proto-Matthew-Lillard that makes you appreciate the sheer character acting skill it takes to Matthew Lillard effectively, because Evil Ed does

            If you’ve seen The Night of the Living Dead , you’ve no doubt thrilled at the screen presence of Duane Jones, who portrays heroic protagonist Ben. You may have wondered – where else can I see this guy? What else has he been in? Wouldn’t it be cool to see him portray a suave vampire, in a stylish arthouse film that’s also a sexy romance, made by distinguished black filmmaker and playwright Bill Gunn? Fortunately, he did! And that’s Ganja & Hess , a film that I’m immensely glad exists.             Duane Jones is Dr. Hess Greene, a genteel anthropologist who specializes in Myrthia, an ancient African civilization that believed it had become addicted to blood. One night, his troubled assistant, George Meda, stabs Hess with a Myrthian dagger before killing himself, accidentally turning Hess into a vampire (or maybe he was one already). Hess is a reluctant blood drinker, stealing blood from hospitals before he gives in and takes victims. Soon enough, Meda’s wife, Ganj

             Some of my favorite movies from this lineup have been movies that I underestimated, movies that I expected to be dated or dull but instead rocked my world. The Love Witch was never going to be that. From the moment I saw the marketing material for this auteur gem, I knew it was a movie for me. And sure enough, I watched it, and it was a movie for me! Great when things work out like that, huh?             The Love Witch is the story of young and beautiful Elaine Parks. After her shitty husband left her, the heartbroken Elaine needed to turn her life around. Like Joanie in Season of the Witch before her, Elaine turned to witchcraft. The movie begins as she yeets out of San Francisco to hang out with her witchy friends in small town California. Elaine has a very simple goal; she wants a man to love her, and she’s willing to use a little love magic to make that happen. But soon her string of unsatisfying paramours start dropping dead, and the town turns against Elain

            In Bailey Downs, a deadbeat Canadian suburb, something is killing the dogs. Sisters Ginger and Brigitte could care less. With the morbidity and misanthropy of young Winona Ryders, they spend their free time photographing each other in elaborate mock suicides. They are angsty and extra as hell and I love them. They loath their maturing bodies and the way the Greek chorus of skeevy boys objectify them, especially Ginger, who’s older and bustier. As the school weirdos, it’s them against the world – as Brigitte puts it, “united against life as we know it.”             Then, one October night, Ginger gets her first period and a werewolf bite. And you can guess what happens next.             As Halloween night and the full moon approaches, Ginger begins to transform. She grows fine, wolfish hairs over her scars, a spindly tail that wags, and pronounced canines. She gets a confidence boost, and before long she’s dressing sexy, smoking pot, and pursuing boys for unsatisfy

            Somehow, this is my third found footage movie in 8 days, a subgenre I’m completely neutral on. As you may have gathered from my reviews, the last two were good trashy fun. And that’s great – I love a little trashy fun. But I had to wonder – is that all found footage flicks are good for, a little shaky cam, some gross stuff, a few good jumps? So many of the big famous found footage movies, like Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity , left me cold because they stopped at the spooky, relied on high-concept buzzy marketing and sheer novelty, and just felt kinda slight. They were made to scare, and they didn’t scare me, so what was the point? So I was surprised by Lake Mungo which, though found footage, is a completely different beast.             Lake Mungo , a little film out of Australia, which produces more horror movies than you may realize, follows the family of 16-year-old Alice Palmer after her sudden death by drowning during a family picnic. As they struggle to c

          When I added this movie to my lineup, I said to my Dearest Girlfriend, this is not a movie for you. And boy was I right. The one thing Dearest Girlfriend cannot abide in a horror film is child peril and (especially) death, and lo, here comes a movie whose whole premise is “here are some children and they are in peril” and where multiple children die. Very, very not for girlfriend. But, for Sara? Yes, very for Sara.             Wait, not because bad things happen to children. I like children very much! I just mean, because it is a good movie, see.             Tigers are not Afraid is one of the most recent films in my lineup, last year’s feature from Mexican director Issa Lopez. The film takes a child’s-eye view of Mexico’s drug war, following kids whose parents have been killed by cartels, traffickers, and other assorted ne’er-do-wells. After the murder of her mother, young Estrella takes up with a gang of similarly orphaned boys, who are trying to be fierce but ar

            When I harrumphed at The Visit a few days ago for its exploitationy treatment of old people while somehow still feeling too tame, I was thinking ahead to possession and the occult day ’s The Taking of Deborah Logan , which is also a found footage film about the scariness of old people, but deals with dementia directly. The plot is simple. Deborah Logan has Alzheimer’s, but she’s also possessed. Mayhem ensues. And while it manages to bother me in a completely different way from The Visit , The Taking of Deborah Logan somehow feels a lot less icky in its treatment of aging, while also being way more trashy-in-a-good-way. Nice balance to strike!             Unlike in The Visit , the moral of this movie isn’t that old age and its complications makes crazy people cuh-razier. Instead, Alzheimer’s is an explanation for Debbie’s increasingly bizarre behavior until it doesn’t make sense anymore and it turns out there’s actually something else afoot. The movie starts with a

            Does the world need more meta-horror? More ‘80s nostalgia? Haven’t we dissected this friggin’ genre enough?? Maybe yes, maybe no, but when meta horror is as good as The Final Girls , who gives a fuck!             American Horror Story golden girl Taissa Farmiga is Max, the teenage daughter of a washed-up scream queen still dreaming of being a great actress. For all her spoiled dreams, Amanda is still a kick-ass mom, that is until she dies in a very nasty car crash. Three years later, Max is still in mourning, but when her best friend’s stepbrother Duncan, a Randy-from- Scream type, nags her into attending a screening of her mom’s most famous slasher, she reluctantly agrees. One freak accident later, Max and her pals end up in the movie. Which is a premise that sounds like it should be self-indulgent as hell, but miraculously works. Really works. Remember movie theaters...             I thought I was completely sick of ‘80s nostalgia by now, and Final Girls