MAY #2: The Autopsy of Jane Doe

              

              I have to say I was spoiled by yesterday’s movie pick, the soundtrack to which I’ve been listening to for the last 24 hours. Could today’s viewing hold up? Autopsy is a totally different kind of film, lean and mean where The Lure is lavish, but lacking the emotional wallop and style.

              Autopsy immediately wins points with me because it’s set in my own home state of Virginia, a very creepy state indeed. Tommy and Austin are father-and-son coroners in a small rural town that seems to have more than its fair share of nasty deaths, but tonight they get their nastiest corpse of all. A crime scene has an extra body, bizarrely clean and preserved while half-submerged in basement dirt. It’s up to Tommy and Austin to discover the cause of death by morning. Tommy is jaded and crusty in that endearing old man way, and he knows his stuff. Austin is helpful, but still has a lot to learn. The movie is weakest when it delves into the backstory of their relationship – mom died before her time, Austin is antsy to leave his dad’s practice or at least go to the movies with his morbidly curious girlfriend – and strongest when they’re just hanging out. The chemistry (platonic chemistry I mean) between the actors is strong, and their relationship carries weight. The time the movie spends fleshing it out is its only real flab.

              As a scare delivery device, Autopsy is finely constructed. The film sets up its scares in the opening and, one-by-one, knocks them down, getting nastier and nastier as the film progresses. The film’s first half is an engaging mystery, as father and son gather more clues about the mysterious Jane Doe while a storm gathers outside and creepy music plays from the radio (Jane, it seems, has a favorite song). At almost the exact halfway point, shit really hits the fan and the protagonists go from trying to understand Jane to trying to flee her nefarious clutches, before bringing both halves together in the climax. As for Jane’s secret, well, this film’s inclusion on Witch Day should give you a clue, but the unraveling of the mystery is subtle and satisfying, leaving plenty to the imagination. But when the film reaches for weightier themes at the end, it doesn’t quite get there. There’s stuff about suffering bodies, shared pain, historical vengeance, innocence and guilt, but it all gets smushed into the last fifteen minutes. And while Tommy and Austin are likable enough, their personal stories never feel more than tangential to the horror at play. The film is caught in a precarious place between giving away too much and too little, and without an emotional grounding, it’s somewhat less than the sum of its parts. The scares are solid; the themes, less so.

              But when I say the scares are solid, I mean they’re very, very solid. As a haunted house, roller coaster kinda ninety minutes, it gets the job done. Horror fans looking to cozy up to good ole jumps and frights on a stormy night will be well rewarded. It plays like one of Stephen King’s better short stories; compact, effective, compelling, and nasty. Witches can be a lot of things; scary sure is one of them.

Tommy and Austin and the grisly family business

Vibecheck: Matter-of-fact, meticulous, haunted house scares.

Scare Factor: Check yes on jump scares, grisly sights, and a pervading sense of dread. It’s not scary on a cosmic level, but in the moment it’s a heart-pounder. Your hearty reviewer gasped once, clutched a pillow, and even considered looking away – but didn’t, because she’s very brave!

Pairs Well With: Morgues are scary even when the corpses aren’t full of supernatural power, because it’s where the material reality of death is dealt with. Potentially existentially distressing stuff! For another spooky ride that uses that as set dressing, there’s always Phantasm. My fave horror podcast, Faculty of Horror, paired it with The Witch, a more thoughtful take on New England witchcraft folklore – they have some interesting stuff to say about the feminism in each film.

But how gay is it?: Not at all, I’m afraid.

Girlfriend’s Corner: Surprisingly, I really wanted to watch this one, and only skipped out based on other obligations! Slow-burning psychological horror by Scandinavian directors actually does kinda sound like my shit! Unfortunately, I have been informed that a cat (the cutest animal) comes into mortal peril, so I am obliged to give this film my harshest grade, the Girlfriend’s F. Thank you.

How are your Final Paper’s Going, Sara?: Oh hush.